this is what comes to me at 11:30 at night

Alcoholism is such a scary thing, it’s scary when you’re the alcoholic and it’s scary when you’re the person dealing with the alcoholic. Unless I become an alcoholic at some point in my life I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully understand why some people do it. I mean I understand the dependency but how can someone let it lead to that? What are the factors that drives the person to reach for that bottle everyday? Everyone goes through stress, but not everyone develops a need for alcohol. I suppose this is when all the other factors come into play, like environment and genetics.

I vaguely remember a character in Heartbreak House. I think he was a captain of sorts, but he was always drunk. Not the falling over kind, but a different kind. A kind that I see in some people. The captain was always drinking, and I remember talking about it in class, we had decided that the captain did not drink to be drunk but to be sober. It’s not the easiest concept to grasp, but to me it does make sense. The captain was an incredibly smart man and his judgement and wisdom were never impaired by the alcohol, he only was more stable.

My younger sister has developed this disgust towards alcoholism. She calls anyone who drinks alone an alcoholic. This has me questioning what I would consider an alcoholic. I don’t believe that it’s someone who drinks alone. So I looked it up on the net and found The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism that says that there are 4 main symptoms to alcoholism: cravings, loss of control, physical dependence, and tolerance. The cite also pointed out the differences between alcoholism and alcohol abuse. Alcohol abuse is mainly messing up your responsibilities, physically hurting you or someone else, having legal alcohol problems, or relationships that are hurt because of the drinking. I suppose in some situations the two go hand in hand. But not always. My definition of alcoholism was skewed before, I had it intertwined with alcohol abuse.

To me it appears that the main difference between alcoholism and alcohol abuse is who you’re hurting (with the exception of loss of control, however that doesn’t always entitle hurting others). With alcoholism you only seem to be hurting yourself. However once you get into alcohol abuse then you’re hurting others. So then is it actually so wrong to be an alcoholic? So long as you don’t abuse it?

There’s another factor that has me thinking. What if the alcoholic is only an alcoholic behind people’s back. In other words, besides the people who work at the LCBO the alcoholic doesn’t want anyone to know. That crosses over and turns into alcohol abuse, doesn’t it? Because then if the people who care about the alcoholic find out then they’re hurt and their relationship is hurt.

I also wonder about those same people, the ones who are alcoholics behind their families and friend’s back. How could they ever try to stop drinking? I mean cutting something you have a dependency on out of your life isn’t easy. So how could they do it without the support of others. They would have to be incredibly strong individuals. I guess that’s why meetings like AA exist. But I think if I was ever try to quit something that I was so dependent on I would need all the support I can get.

I suppose I’m just throwing ideas around and trying to piece them together. There’s just so much that I don’t know.