I went to the bar...

So, last night, I legally went and drank at a bar. It's a first for the legal part and I didn't even get carded. It was alright, I mean at first after looking around the table I thought, "My God, I'm stuck with 3 old couples". Well, it wasn't so bad, they all were drinking, and I wasn't paying. So bring it on. I actually somehow made 25$! There's an appropriate explanation for that.
The bar we went to was called Aussie Rules and it was pretty much your normal bar, apart from the entertainment which was AMAZING. It was 3 guys playing the piano. Now, when my Aunt Ruth first told me that I thought piano recital, Norah Jones, relaxing music. Don't get me wrong, I like that kind of music, but not on a saturday night while drinking. This was NOTHING like that, it was so upbeat and so fun. The guys pretty much played whatever you requested, depending how much you tipped them and they were songs everyone knew, we were all singing and screaming and dancing on chairs. It was fun, they really envovled the audience. I don't think my ears will ever be the same. They played oldies and new hits, did the hokey pokey, the drunken sailor. It was a really good time, a place that was fun with my Aunt and sister but would be 10 times more fun with a group of my friends.
It's so weird to talk to my Aunt and Uncle, they swear and are just so real. I don't get that with my parents. Yesterday our waiter wasn't the most attractive person and my Aunt was just like, wow she got hit with an ugly stick. It was the most random comment and she wasn't even that ugly. (However, ugly and stupid which is a bad combo).
So, onto me making 25$, not really a big deal, but kinda random. So my Aunt and my sister's boyfriend, Otto are fighting over who gets to pay the bill. There was a couple who left before and left 25$ on the table so my Aunt, getting fed up with Otto wanting to pay was like "FINE, you take this," and threw it at him. He then threw it back at her and said he was paying, she threw it back at him and was like "OTTO, that wasn't the agreement," he then took the money and handed it to me, I looked it and shrugged and was like, "Ok, if no one else wants it." You don't have to tell me twice, hand me something like that and I won't complain. I did offer it to my Aunt though and apparently me keeping it settled the score.
Well, we're meeting them for breakfast soon. Yum.

My Secret Identity

Someone commented on an earlier blog and it kind of made me think. They just said that at the cottage people get to slip into thier secret identity. It may sound wierd but it's SO true. I have a secret identity. It sounds crazy, it really does. But a lot of my city friends wouldn't know it. Mainly, I read. A lot. People would think it was crazy how many books I've read, well over 20. I love puzzles, I haven't done one this summer yet, but I think I'll start. I also visit old people. Okay, that's the one that just sounds wierd, but I do. I love them, I've known them forever and their so sweet. It's like having 3 extra sets of grandparents. They're all really welcoming and hey, what else is there to do up here when I'm bored. Most people in the city would probably say that they know all this about me, but it's different, hard to explain. Up here when there's nothing to do all my interests come out. I go on hikes, do puzzles, play scrabble, work on scrap books, swim, do crafts all these little things. It's where I'm the most vunerable because it's where I'm the most me. Some people don't understand it... but it's hard to just have people to my cottage, it's not like my home, if I let you here it's because I want to introduce you to who I actually am. So, for those of you who have been to my cottage on a personal level, tada, there you have it.



- this all might sound a little crazy, It's late and I'm trying to get my point across fast.

Maggie says HI.

Date from hell....

So, in an attempt to try and move on I agreed to go on a date with a random guy who asked me out at work. Big, big mistake. Never, ever go out with a random like that. He wasn't the best looking, but hey, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I found out he worked at Pizza Pizza and some general stuff before our "date". The big night comes about... and it was horrible. We were going to see a show, but I ended work at 9 and the show was at 9:15, plus it wasn't really anything good. So we decide to rent a movie and go back to my house, seeing as he doesn't have one. So we rent Lord Of The Rings: Return of the King... is there a longer movie out there? My mom has to pick us up since he doesn't have a car, so we start talking as we're waiting. Turns out he's 25. 25. WOW. He doesn't look it, or act it for that matter. We get back to my cottage and put the movie on - no joke, his arm's around me before you see the title of the movie (:-P). As if that's not uncomfortable enough his hands are wandering. I've never made so many excuses before. Then he tells me he's just affectionate... apparently with random girls he doesn't know. Next he was like I hope you don't get married this year. Wtf? Cause that's going to happen... So then, here's the big one. He asks what day I have off next and I tell him, so then he tells me no to make plans. I don't say anything. A few minutes later he says he's going to get a motel room, I told him not bother and he said he was into romance and that whole deal. Hm, that or just drugging and raping young girls. Either way, I now have lots and lots of plans for my days off. They'll be none of that. So of course the movie is still going because it's so bloody long and I'm sitting there thinking of ways to make it go faster. He needed a place to crash but told me he assumed my mom would flip. I told him she would. For anyone else probably not, but this guy was creepy. She kept asking if I wanted her to take him back to town. But I managed to get him there, then he asked if he could borrow 20$ until the next day. Um... ya, not so much. So I gave him a couple dollars cause he had to spend the night in Tim's... he couldn't find anywhere to crash. That was that and he leaned in for a good night kiss... *shudders*. Apparently when he saw a girl I work with the next day he said the date went excellent. I told her I never wanted to see him again.
Friday Dave and I were walking across the parking lot from Subway to Tims when I saw him going to Subway, I flipped and hid in Tim Horton's bathroom while I waited for Dave to make sure he left. They told him I was done work for the day and he left, but I was still freaked and hid in the back of Subway while I waited. He called my house too and my mom told him I was out late and not to call back. It was great when Barbara came in the back and was like, "he was here again, he's kind of stalking you, eh?" THANKS HUN. He's not really though, I'm pretty sure he gets the hint. But that's the jest of my date from hell. It was horrible. He was nice enough, but just really really not my type. Apparently it's unbelievable then I'm going into Psychology and I haven't tried a mind-altering drug. According to him one can't fully understand how amazing the mind is unless they try one.... I maintain that if he opened a book and read... he'd find the mind pretty fascinating.

Apart from that my weekend was awesome, D was up friday night and Mike was up Friday and Saturday. Alicia, Maggie, D, Mike and I all chilled until 4 on saturday morning, great when Ali and I had to open the store at 7am. We were grouches. Then Saturday night Reed and Reed showed up looking for salt... for their tequilla so Mike, Mads and I went over to Adams little party. It was fun, I found another difference between Oakville and Bracebridge people. Bracebridge people are SUPER friendly, practically everyone there asked me my name, how I knew Adam and a whole bunch of questions. I knew a few of them surprisingly. Oakville people can be nice, but not the way Bracebridge people are.

After watching Princess Diaries 2 and Love Actually this weekend, I've decided I want a Prince Charming. I told Maggie and she said she loves me. Lol, I'm sure I'll find it when I'm ready, but I'm impatient. I like the feeling of a crush and all that good stuff. I know before I can find it I've got to be happy with me and all that stuff, but it's all just baloney. The girls at work and I hate the song "Accidently in Love". It's so overplayed up here. I think that's the way that love tends to happen though, when you completely least expect it and you're not looking for it, it'll come. Good thing it does't come when you're trying - other wise I might be stuck with that guy *shudders*.

Dave and Mike got sick of listening to me, Ali and Maggie talk about Subway so they tried to make us go for 5 minutes without any talk of it. After they started it was completely silence. We didn't even last the 5 minutes. SO pathetic. I told our boss and she just shook her head. We're such losers. But I love my losers, they're the most fun ever.

Best quote of the weekend, said complelty randomly:

"I've kissed a girl. With tongue" - Mags

Bracebridge VS Oakville...

I suppose it's actually a little difficult to compare the 2, they're different sizes and have completely different economies but the way that those 2 aspects effect the people is incredible.
My Oakville friends are a lot different than the people who I know in Bracebridge. First there's the physical, or stuff you'd get from a first impression. I've been having trouble putting this into words, so I decided to just list it:

• People here tend to swear very openly, not so much in Oakville.
• People here tend to say things like "thar" and "yous", again.. not so much in Oakville.
• People here tend to have the "I'm tough shit" attitude down, Oakville has one, but it's different.
• Seeing a teen pregnant or with a kid happens quite often in Bracebridge, I've only rarely seen it in Oakville.

The first 3 really have a bit to do with class, it sounds kind of wrong but it's due to the lack of money in Bracebridge and the copius amounts of money in Oakville. The last however I would say is due more to the size of the towns and what there is to do. Oakville can be boring, yes, however, there's a lot more to do than up here. People tend to just have sex when they get bored. I've learned the word movie is actually code for "let's fool around".

After the physical stuff there's the stuff that you tend to discover after talking to them for a while, it mainly has to do with 2 things, sex or drugs/alcohol. Once again I think this is all mainly to do with it being a small town, but it's crazy how different it is in comparison to Oakville. First off, the kids start having sex at about 13 or 14, sure in Oakville you get a few who give it up at the age. But here in Bracebridge it's not uncommon for a girl to have sex when she's 13... it's not uncommon for the guy to be 19 either. Another thing regarding sex is the whole dating thing, they don't really bother to get to know people up here, they just go straight for the kill. There are some who do that in Oakville, however they have a classier way of approaching it. They don't just randomly feel the girl up and place her hand on their crotch. At least not the guys I know. Maybe I just hang around with really innocent people in Oakville, but I'm pretty sure that's not it. Sure you'll get the drug addicts who do all the hard-core drugs. But in Bracebridge it's normal to do E or Shrooms when you're bored. A girl at work was telling me how she and her sister were bored and decided to do shrooms. A guy I just met started telling me about how he does E. When I said I'd never done it he looked at me and said it was rare for him to meet someone who hadn't.

I'm not sure if I'm just sheltered in Oakville and don't know about all the drugs that go around or what. But the way that I see it, Bracebridge is a small town with not much to do other than have sex and do drugs. Oakville is a bigger town, with more money and still not much to do.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm not insulting either lifestyle, I have good friends in both, I'm just looking at it from a sociological angle, that's all.

My favorite place

There's something about the cottage that no one other then a cottager would actually understand. I don't even know how to explain it. Everyone lets go up here and it's all just a relaxing environment. You become best friends with people who you normally wouldn't be friends with. That's just the way it is. Look at Maddie and Jen, they've been friends forever but if you put them in the same school they probably would never talk to each other. The same went for me and Nicole.
I love it up here, good old Stephens Bay Association, it's a family. Practically everyone knows each other and if they don't you they know your family name.
Today was practically the best day of my summer and it's kind of sad. I had a barbeque for all of my swimming kids and we had a blast. We ate, played capture the flag, swam, had a sand fight (I've still got sand in my hair) pushed each other in the water, played frozen tag and built a kick ass sand castle. It was awesome and just reminded me of what it was like to actually be young again. I had no worries for those 3 hours, it was a trip to the past. I miss being a kid and being worry free.
I love my cottage and it's probably one of my favorite places to be. I love the water and I love the forest and I love the way that it makes me feel. It's the one thing that is steady in my life, the one thing I'll always have. Everytime I walk in the doors I'm walking into a place full of happy memories with my friends and family. Having a connection with the cottage makes me feel like I have a connection with my dad.

The Sunday Morning After (baby who the hell are you)

It's 10:15 on Sunday morning and I feel like shit. I think I'm half drunk still, I've got a pounding headache and my tummy feels funny. That's just the physical. Don't even start me on the emotional. I called my older sister last night and she told me that when you're drunk everything comes out. And she was right, it's something I wish I could control but I can't. I don't think I acted too stupid last night, I can't even remember. But I did realise that I have good friends who do care. They listened to me blab on and on last night about stupid shit - that's through the slurring, not making sense and sometimes tears. I wonder if they actually listened or found someway to block me out :-P. I was probably pretty annoying. Anyway, thanks for last night Ash, I had a great time.
When are these tylenols gonna kick in. I'm not even sure I can make it up to Bracebridge, I don't feel so good about driving.

Last night after I got home I picked up a message from an old friend, she wanted me to go to the bar with her like 2 weeks ago. No one told me about the message though. So I called her, at 3:30 and was like "i'm smashed" she said she was too and was at a hotel with her boyfriend. They seem to do that a lot, it must be nice. Nice for her to have someone like that. Who really cares about her. I keep bashing relationships, not sure why. I do think sometimes they're overrated and it's hard to stay in one at this age. But then there's all the plus' that come along with having someone like that. Maybe I bash them because I secretly am craving one. I've come to the conclusion that I shouldn't be in them, not until I sort some shit out with me, and not until I'm not gonna tear someone apart. It really, really hurts to do that surprisingly. Dating just isn't as good as a relationship, you don't get that comfort as much. All I want is a guy who's gonna care about me, not going to hurt me and who's going to treat me right. Why does that seem so hard to find. I feel like there's something wrong with me.

I guess it's just this unpretty feeling that my family seems to instill in me. You'd be surprised how much it hurts to have your mom call you fat. It's like that's all she sees when she looks at me. She doesn't see all my accomplishments or anything like that, just that I'm fat. It doesn't help that my Grandpa said it too, "turn around, oh ya, you better watch it, you're pretty heavy." Thanks loving family you have a way of making me feel "so damn unpretty". They're suppose to be the people I can turn to for that unconditional love, but I can't feel comfortable doing that when I've got such HUGE flaws. My boss said I have a good sense of humor about it - she teases me at work. That's my way of dealing with it. I am really lucky though, I grew up in an incredibly loving environment, it's just a little wacked.

That's another reason I was so upset last night, I've got these people who love me so much, a part of me feels I don't deserve them. My aunt wrote me a check and asked me to pick it up, when I did I asked her if she could be a cosignor for a student line of credit and she said "in a heartbeat". It just got to me, she loves me and it makes me sad, what the heck. Then last night Sarah decided she was going to pay for me to fly out there, she thinks I should get away for a while, I really want to but I feel so guilty, it's not like that's inexpensive. That also struck a chord, she wants to see me so much that she'll pay for it. I called her drunk last night and left a msg and she called me back crying, she thought something was wrong. I should have thought that through, little selfish on my part.

Someone told me they didn't think that I was going to be able to last in my program this year. I couldn't believe they said that to me. This is what I want to do with my life I don't care if I have issues, everyone does it's part of living. But they know me, and they know that I love teaching with a passion, I'll get through it no matter what because it's one of the things that I know I want. I know 100% I'm gonna teach and I can't wait. It just hurt that they thought I wasn't capable. There suppose to know me and be encouraging and believe that I can do it, not doubt me.

My parents aren't happy together. It hurts so much. I want them both to be happy and whatever that takes fine. But at the same time I don't want my family getting torn apart, I can't handle that. I love them too much, I couldn't imagine a Christmas without the 6 of us all together. Dad always says it's the one thing we do right. If they're staying together for us kids, it's just a bad idea. I mean I'm old enough to catch on and so is Maddie. I wonder sometimes. She doesn't know somethings about my Dad that you'd think she would. She's not dumb and I know she's not pretending not to know. I'm surprised she hasn't caught on though, the whole fucking world seems to know. In fact I think last night I told anyone who didn't know. I'm sick of repressing it and pretending it's not there. I'm sick of hiding it from my mom.

I feel like a whore. I can't decide if me kissing practically all my friends is normal or just freaking slutty. I feel slutty about it and I really don't like it. I was talking about it to a friend outside the group and I realised how skanky it sounds. Some of it can't even be writen off as being drunk. In fact... I'm not sure that any of it can be.

I need food and more tylenol and more water.

Um, that's screwed

So apparently my last post decided not to work, I guess you'll all never know what it said. :-P

I was reading a magazine the other day and came across something I thought was a little funny. Some doctors and pharmacist refuse to give out the pill. Some doctors won't write prescriptions, and if your doctors does write them there's a chance your pharmacist won't fill it. They feel moraly wrong giving out the pill because they believe in some ways it's a form of abortion... sounds a little crazy, however their side does make sense.

I was under the impression that when you are on the pill your body doesn't produce any eggs, however from the way the article put it apparently sometimes they still do. So, the way these doctors and pharamists see it a life is initiated the second that the egg is fertalized. However in order for this fertalized egg to develop into a baby it must attach itself to the uterus' wall. When people are on the pill if there is a fertalized egg it can't attach to the wall and it sort of falls off and then is gone. These doctors and pharmasists are now beginning to feel that the pill is killing these fertalized eggs because they can't attach to the uterus' wall, therefore lives that could be aren't.

That kind of makes you wonder.

Friends forever...