On a different note

So that was my mildly depressing blog - and I'll be the first to admit that I've been a midly depressed person over the past 4 months. But shit happens. I'm working on fixing my problems and well, that's the best I can say.
About my first love. He was, and is, great. But if it's meant to be it will be. I know that, he knows that, it's just hard. Life's hard though and the best we can do is deal.
I would love to post my problems on here, you know, let people know what I'm going through - but I have to respect the lives of other people. So I will, and of course I don't hold anyone responsible for my problems, I don't hold me responsible for my problems. Problems just happen and no one is really to blame. (My opinion anyway).
Recently I started therapy - not intensive therapy - just every few weeks, because I've got some family issues to work out. Something came to my attention that I was unaware of and I wanted to get it sorted out. You see, my dad's an alcoholic. Hey, the first step is admitting it. He hasn't drank it a while, but he used to heavily. So there, seems like whatever, it's a thing in the past. But it's not, and it's effected the person I am today in ways that are really unimaginable. I don't hold him responsible for it - and I know it's not my fault, he made a mistake. So there. Anyway, I've learned that alcoholism is a stress mechanism and basically my dad's only stress mechanism. Some people drink, some people eat - that's what my dad used to do. So that habit, that action of him drinking or him not drinking and being stressed has stuck with me.
Anyway, I thought for the few of you who read this, this might be interesting.
I started reading this book of Adult Children of Alcoholics, it's so dead on it's scary. One of the things that these kids do is act impulsively - now, I'm not talking oh let's go to the mall! Normal teenage impusivity. I'm talking "Oh! Let's do something completely stupid, hurt ourselves and then spend time and energy trying to fix it." If that doesn't describe a big part of me, I don't what does. Another thing the book said was that kids who have dads who are alcholics usually have mothers who are extremely tense and uptight. HM? If you know my mom you know that pretty much hits the nail right on the head.
I haven't finished the book, it's really hard and takes a lot of strenght. I mean imagine reading these made up examples and being able to go, "shit. that's my family." It's not fun.

But you know what? I'm happy.

I forget sometimes and I get carried away in my emotions. But I'm happy. Why? Because I have a family and I have friends, I have a roof over my head, I'm getting an education, cause I can feel saddness, laughter, anger, happiness. Despite my issues I've grown up in a house full of love and devotion. Why should I be sad? Dwelling on the fact that one guy out there is a jerk isn't going to make life easy.

So here's some happy news. My older sister is in love. With a man 18 years older than her and with 3 kids. And you know what, they're all coming out here for Christmas! The kids are 17, 16 and 13 and I hope really nice. Otto, the man, lol, is great, he's a gentlemen and I can't see my sister with anyone else. The story is cute, My sister didn't want to be away from us for Christmas, Otto didn't want to be away from her for Christmas, Otto's kids didn't want to be away from him for Christmas. So they're all coming here for a very Bennett Christmas! 10 people isn't too bad!!

Let me see, I can't think of anything else happy to say. Boo on me. Well it's 5 sleeps until my b-day, and I can't wait for my friends to get home from Uni so we can hang out again.

"The story is just begun, and darling what's done is done/ it's time to change and leave the past behind/ why do we know all the answers or how the story ends / so baby, let's take a chance on a happy ending / let's turn the page and stop pretending / the past can stop our heart from mending / it's time to let go cause baby you know / some things are better best forgotten."

~ time to go have some fun ~