"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly"

I've had an incredibly crappy week. First there was all the crap I don't want to mention over here. Family stuff, stuff that a lot of people don't know, especially if they haven't been talking to me - or if I haven't been talk to them. Either way. So there's all that that's a huge stressor. If you know me, you know that when I have one problem in a part of my life it usually spills over and affects the rest of my life. I think that's natural and happens to a lot of people. So when I'm already upset with this one stressor some other things already seem some what negative, even if they aren't necessarily. Well there has been a few stressors this week so me wanted to get out of bed ... hasn't really happened. I've let all the negative feelings consume me - and that's when the damage happens. Last night the cable/internet got shut off. Last thing I needed, really. It wasn't so much not having them that got to me - it was that it was my responsibility to pay and now my roomates had to suffer because of my own stupidity/poor money management problems. So I felt incredibly shitty. This morning I found out that all of Peterborough had no cable/internet because of a power outage. That did uplift my spirits - however they were already uplifted. Landon called last night as usual (heaven forbid I talk to my boyfriend) and I was planning on taking an early bus home today. I just wanted to get out of here, end this really crappy week. He would have picked me up - but not without first giving me this tough love lecture. Basically telling me to grow up and stop acting like a baby. I of course whined that I wasn't ready for the real world and being completely on my own. He just said tough 'cause I was already there.
A part of me grew up a lot 2 and a half years ago. I had to deal with a lot of hard stuff that normal 16 year old shouldn't have to do. I've really been affected by that, like hardcore. It's why I get the desire to just lay in bed and let my life go. But of course - I can't do that. Why? Because it would be stupid and there are people who need me.
So after I cried to and at Landon I started to actually think about what he was saying. If I did go home early I'd miss class and fall further behind. Why should I compromise my education - it's already paid for. I need to get through this year and then worry about next year. He almost even told me he was disappointed in me for not doing better this year. I wanted to flip at him, but it's true, I do need to try a lot harder. But it's difficult. A lot more difficult than people think. Being on your own - I'm totally not ready for this. Thankfully I have awesome understanding roomates who will always listen to me vent, I have a boyfriend who will be harsh but honest and hates to see me sad and I have an incredible family who loves me. So maybe it won't be so bad.
My mom called last night and I started crying just about things. She told me not to worry about the petty stuff, to focus on what I have instead of what I'm losing. Then we talked about Landon - he's amazing. He's a real friend, totally devoted, despite the fact that I've hurt him over and over he'll listen to me cry. He listened to me cry over other guys despite the fact he wanted to be with me. He was there and he is still is and I love him to pieces for it.