Firefighters, mmm mmm!

Last night the firefighters at Fleming had an auction, I know one of the guys (Kev) from back home and on the weekend he mentioned I should go, so I got my roomies together and we decided to screw it and drink on a wednesday. T.J., my future roomate, didn't have to work today so he came up as well, then we got Jessie another chick we know to come out. Troy was at our house for the predrinking but didn't end up coming out! Anyhow, we got there and the auction was going on, some of the guys actually got naked, then got told they couldn't do that or they'd be shut down, so down they went to their boxers. It was awesome! We were going upstairs to get some drinks and Kev came up behind me and gave me a hug and asked if we were leaving, HELL NO. We had mucho more stuff to do :). I lost 20 dollars while I was paying my entrance fee and I was all upset, but figured I just wouldn't drink instead, well, we went back to g out to the car an hour later and there was my 20 dollars! Right where I lost it, honestly, no one noticed it, or someone else lost a 20, but I was happy! Then we bid on a guy named Chris, and that was fun, we paid 45$ for him, I'm not sure what we were suppose to get, but the whole idea was to support the firefighters. So that was wicked cool. Then he bought us some drinks, so works for me! Linds, Jenn and I were pretty drunk, it was fun, we kept telling the firefighters how noble we thought they were and everything... cause they are.... We left around 1:20 then had to get a cab back home... where we realized none of us brought keys - thankfully Troy was there so we just had to wake him up! He must have loveddd that. Then we crashed.
Today I'm not going to classes because I feel icky, it's been a while since I've been hung over. Linds and I are going to Smitty's at 1 or 2, I think, depending, I'm waiting to hear from someone and I might head home early... just because...
I'm spending the weekend with Landon... only condition is I have to go to the laudermat and wash his comforter. BOO.
Is it bad to be so sick of assignments to just want to write exams and study, I'm sick of thinking so hard!!! Only 22 more days... YIKESABEE!

okay

I don't regret my blog from monday, but I should say that some of the people who I wrote about have been good friends. Maybe I am picking them apart and focusing on the negative but that's what really has been effecting me lately. Many of my friends have been there for me countless times and maybe I'm ditching them a little lately but I wish they'd be a little more understanding.

Ashley:
Ash has had some really shining moments, she's incredibly generous at times and if you need her there she can be there ASAP. She worries like she's your mom but it's only because she cares so much.

Krisitina:
K's awesome as well, she's always there to make me laugh and there to cry with me. We've been through tons of tough times and we've always managed to pull through, she's very supportive :).

My Roomies:
Jenn and Linds are both awesome and have been incredible this year, I'm not sure what I would do without them. They're always there to listen to me rant about boys, life, friends, school, family, etc. Plus, they know me for me and admire, I think, my crazy side.

Lara:
Another awesome friend who sticks up for me like there's no tomorrow. She gives me tons of strength and I'm not sure where I'd be without her. She's probably the most honest person I know.

Landon:
I think I've said enough about how great he is.

Heather:
Another person always around to listen to me rant! She's accepting and kind and those are awesome qualities.

Mike:
I don't talk to him as much as I used to but I know he's always been there for me to cry to. I can be totally natural around him and feel totally comfortable, another accepting friend.

My girls at Uni:
All very awesome for when I'm so stressed and being bitchy, they all understand and accept me, thanks girls!

Annie:
Another gal who's accepting and I can call up with anytime and she'll be an awesome friend! :)

Landon's friends:
haha, figured I'd mention them just in case! There sweet as well and make me feel welcome, I know they've been there for me when I've been upset to and I think they're really great for that.

So... I guess maybe I did pick apart my friends and say some hurtful things... at the same time they were a little hurtful to me though, but I guess you only hurt the ones you love because you care so much. Maybe now that it's out there we can all work together to fix it and make all the relationships better.
I know sometimes I'm a pretty depressing person and I'm sorry I sometimes drag people down with me. Thanks for being understanding guys.

24 days...

Twenty-four days until i finish my second year, I'm so scared but excited. I can't believe it. This year has been one of my hardest years yet, but it's just flown by. I get scared sometimes, life seems to go so fast... and then what? But that's a little too philosophical for me right now - I need to focus my thinking energy into papers/exams. I can't even get over that it's tuesday night right now, this week seems to be flying by.
I'm going to be sad to leave this little apartment, it's really become home now - but at the same time next year is going to be so exciting; living with more people and my room is yellow! Which I think will go very nicely with my blue curtains, shelves and bedspread. I might have to get a new bedspread but I'm waiting to decide that, I might want to get a double bed... just a thought, I've been told I'd get a visitor more often if I did, ... haha, but I love sharing to a single bed and clinging to the person so you don't fall off!
Tomorrow night my roomies and I are going to Fleming to the firefighter auction! Kevin (one of Landon's friends) is in the program and invited me to go when I saw him this weekend, then I came back and told my roomie and she had already wanted to go, so it worked out really well! I think we're going to drink before hand or something... YAY! I can't afford to bid on anyone though - darnit - but it's good to go and support them because apparently they get no government funding or anything. I know they work really hard, Kevin was saying some stuff and I can't remember the details but it sounded incredibly intense!

What the f***?

I'm so sick of it and it's officially got to me enough to a.) not be angry but cry and b.) stop caring (after the tears, of course).
I am not going to take this anymore and if there are people in my life who are pissed by that, fuck off. I'm in a happy relationship and I want to spend time with Landon. I want to get to know the people in his life and I want to be comfortable around them. That takes effort. I'm sorry Landon doesn't want to get to know my friends but that is for understandable reasons. I've dated some of the guys and some of the people just SUCK as friends. I am not going to take this crap anymore. If you're not going to be accept the fact that I'm in another relationship don't bother talking to me anymore because it's STUPID. Can people not see how much happier I am than in November/December? I am thrilled to be with a guy who loves me and who I love back and I don't get this. I've already lost one good friend over it and I KNOW that I'm going to lose more because they have stuff stuck up their asses. If these people who are acting this way were honestly and truly my friends they would pat me on the back and tell me to do what I had to do. People are telling me that I'm hurting the people who have always been there for me. You know who's always been there for me? Landon. Ya some other people have been there some of the time, but Landon has been there for me from the day he met me. Actually, from BEFORE he met me, he's always cared and done whatever I needed him to and that is something I value more than other relationships. I was breaking Landon's heart in grade 12 but when I had to cry about family stuff, friend stuff, school, EVEN THE OTHER GUY - Landon sat there and helped me through it. I remember getting dumped and Landon came over and cuddled with me. (Sucks for Landon, and baby, I'm SO sorry). There has never been a time that I've needed Landon and he hasn't been there for me. So GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEADS and then maybe you can start supporting me in my relationship then telling me it's not right.
A true friend would take a step back and realize Landon and I are still fresh in the whole getting back together thing, soon it'll balance out and I'll have more time with them. Until then why can't people take what they can get and be happy for me?
I've had people tell me good luck when things don't work with Landon and I have no one. That right there is a perfect example of a horrible friend. I'm incredibly sorry but being a bitch to me will not win me back as your friend. On the other hand I have friends who tell me that Landon and I fit really well together, that we're 'blissful'. I don't talk to this friend all the time, but when we do talk she's a sweetheart and supports me no matter what happens. She'll do things that seem crazy but help, that's what I need. I have no idea what Landon's friends REALLY think, lol, but they're welcoming and friendly when I see them, they might hate me for what I've done to him but at least they're civil. I don't need the negativity in my life anymore, so in all honesty, if you don't have time to support me and say congrats I'm glad you're happy - don't bother talking to me because I don't care. You can think that we're not right for each other but that is NOT your choice, so get over it.
To the people who have supported me... thanks, I've really appreciated it and it's nice to know there are people I can talk to when things are right or wrong.

Just killing time...

just killing time before going home for Easter weekend... I could be working on an assignment due monday but I JUST handed something else in and I just want to not work... at all. My bus leaves at 5:45 and Lara's picking me up at 7:45 then we're going to go to Landon's work (if that's cool with her, which it will be, I think) just so I can give him a hug and kiss, it's been 11 sleeps, which is almost 3 times the usual 4 sleeps! So it's been hard but I think we both appreciate each other a lot more now. Anyway, the stop at Landon's work is just to say hi and possibly get a tour of the warehouse - which would be somewhat interesting, to say the least! Then we'll probably get a bite or drinks or something, I don't really know, like I said, I'm just killing time.
Currently I'm watching a CSI marathon on Spike t.v. but t.v. is just kind of boring, human contact would be much better!
Last night we signed the lease for our house and I met T.J, my 4th roomate. He's super nice and I think we're going to all have an awesome time next year. The chilling we did was really natural so it'll be good. We're moving houses in May and making a weekend of it with all our significant others and friends so we all get to know each other that much better, we plan on drinking, lots and lots.
Not sure exactly what's happening this weekend but I know I'm not going to have time for much... friday I'm not allowed to do anything until after Church, I totally understand that, not a problem. So then I can do homework all morning which will be good! Then friday night Landon and I have a special evening planned, lots of fun stuff and a double date with another couple, we haven't gone out with in a while. Saturday I'll probably spend some time with Madds, then Church again that night, Sunday Easter dinner and then back here for class on Monday at 10am.
*oh so sad, the guys wife commited suicide*
1 hour until I have to walk to the bus stop, still have to pack but that'll take like 5 minutes. I'm using my new purse today, YAY!
okay this is pointless, bye!!!

YAY!

Just felt like saying YAY, give me a break, okay?
I ate so much sugar today I don't think I'm going to sleep for a week. It was pretty bad, my roomie and I decided to ditch the whole eating a meal tonight and just pig out... 6 hours later I feel that wasn't such a good idea!
I'm not sure why exactly I'm posting, just really killing time.
Today I learned the profs are pretty understand if you take the time to talk to them and explain yourself... so from now on in the future I'll know to go see a prof if I have an issue. Yup, that's that.
Yesterday we drove to Ajax to go to Old Navy, I bought a purse, 2 pairs of very pretty flip flops and a cute shirt. I can't wait to wear the shirt because it's so summery and flowy, but I really want to wait a while because it's a little to skimpy for the not too warm weather. Yup, that's that.
I could write about the stats lab that I've been working on, but I doubt anyone really cares about it. So that's that.
We're signing our lease tomorrow for our 5 bedroom house, YAY!! And I finally get to meet my forth roomate, T.J. I'm excited! So, that's that.
this is a stupid blog. I'm done!
Oh, I bought Landon his b-day present, a couple months early... but I'm SO excited to give it to him. It's an awesome gift :), Yup, that's that.
I miss my barbies, I'm talking to a friend about them now and I miss them, I had some good times with them. LOL. But I did, I really built up my imagination with them and they were an incredibly good tool for socialization. I remember I used to make little sheets and they were barbie's bills and she'd have an office area where she kept her bills and she'd have to pay them, and she's always be a little stressed because it was bill "season". Little did I know bill "season" came once a month! But at least I had the concept down! I didn't like Ken though so I'd either make Maddie play him or he'd die or be away on a business trip. He just wasn't as cool as Barbie, not as many outfits or anything. *sigh* I hope they make a better man barbie, someone with a little more substances who can keep barbie happy. hehe

Ohhh boy

MSN names can be quite the funny thing - they're totally used by your enemies against you - lol, it sounds crazy but people really think about what they put in the name and if they have something against you and can try to hurt you in the littlest way possible - oh they do it.
There's this girl who's friends with another girl... who I don't know but don't like for other reasons. Now this first girl I've known since high school through my boyfriend. She's always been relatively friendly - however I've hear her referred to as the 'ice bitch' so clearly she's nice when she wants something. This Christmas Landon and I were having our little thing however he was dating the other girl, friends with the first girl. So she messaged me and asked if I was going to a friend's of hers party... my response.. well of course it would be along the lines of if Landon was going. Then, of course, it gives her the perfect opportunity to ask "Oh, what's going on with you and Landon?" I'm sorry but if someone talks to you once in a blue moon and works it so she can insert that question - you know something is up. ESPECIALLY if she's friends with the other girl. Naturally I assumed that she was trying to figure what Landon and I were for this other girl. So that was that.
Later in December at the bar Landon and I had ended all ties. I had been drinking and was crying in the bathroom - she was there with her friends. I was talking to some of the others, who I'd have to say are a little more genuine and she came up. I don't remember exactly what she said but I did point out the fact that she was friends with the girl Landon and I broke up over. She said "Oh no, not at all, they're just more acquaintances through her boyfriend!" Then of course got to know all the details of what had just happened between Landon and I. So, Landon and I got back together and I was talking to him about the situation. He found it funny because when he had seen the two girls together they were VERY chummy. I love the way someone will lie like that just to find out information. It's so low.
Anyway, this was all brought back because of her MSN name today - I'm not sure if it's directed so I can see it - I'm sure she thought about it though - her boyfriend is going to Ottawa where the other girl is and her name says "xoxox hope to see you soon (insert name here)" So now, I A.) know the whole time she was friends with the girl and pretending to like me, and telling the girls any details I did spill, and B.) know the girl's a bitch.
In all honesty I do find it a little funny, more so because she didn't cover her tracks. Sounds wierd, but if I were to lie like that I'd be incredibly careful so that I wasn't found out - but HELLO, I'd figure it out. Your boyfriend used to be housemates with the girl - CLUE 1. I'd talk to Landon about it - CLUE 2. I'M NOT STUPID - CLUE 3. I guess she didn't think that Landon and I had the open relationship that we do. Stupid ass.
It just brings back memories which make me tense, but I can kind of laugh about it. It's just funny, funny what she thinks she can do! Who knows maybe I'm reading too much into it - but I am a girl, and I do know how girls think, we think these little things through, it's so true!
HA!
So excited for this weekend :)! Easter weekend, yay! Get to see my family, friends and Landon!

I've figured it out!

I think I know why girls don't screw up very much. It's because guys make them feel like SHIT when they do, plus they make themselves feel like shit when they do. I messed up yesterday and Landon was so mad and wasn't really hurtful or anything but today I'm still upset about it. It put a damper in our relationship, I'm sure it'll be gone in a few days - but for now it hurts. It's just back to that pain I was feeling all December and it hurts so much my heart actually aches. I mean if guys felt this way every time they screwed up they wouldn't do it so much - I mean I personally know I don't want to feel this way often. I feel horrible! So I ordered something from LaSenza to make up for it! Sex seems to be the way to go. Unfortunetly I don't get to see him until Easter weekend. It's just really bad time for me to do this because after we got over the fight I just wanted to see him, I still have 9 sleeps. Plus, the poor thing worked 16 hours today so he's going to be wiped when he gets home so I don't get to talk to him until Wednesday night - ahh. I'm way to dependent on him - definately need to work on that!
It's really good for us not to see each other because we really do need to establish our seperate lives. I'm actually staying in Peterborough this weekend and going out with the girls for St. Patty's day! Kind of exciting actually, we'll see what happens. My roomie is leaving yet again so that kind of sucks. I get lonely/depressed when I'm here by myself and it's really not a good combo. I need to work on it!!
I've got a paper due tomorrow I haven't really started, I just keep putting it off. Now it's due in less than 24 hours and I'm going to have to get it done.
God, I want this horrible feeling to be gone - I'm sure in a few days I'll feel tons better - well, maybe not tons better until I get to see him and get a big hug! I don't know if girls have this weird complex where things become the end of the world, but that's how I feel. It seems stupid, but I dunno. I guess because I rarely screw up like this it feels a lot worse than it is. I've always forgiven him for his fuck ups so I'm sure it's okay!! Ahhh somebody make it go away. I'm so terrified he's not going to want me anymore. Think it's time for a Lara call - she knows Landon pretty well and is good at boosting me up about him. Maybe if I do an hours work first...
I think I'm going to devote time on Sunday to my scrap book - saturday I'm going to load up on things for it and then make it even better. It's got to be my favorite thing ever!
We got the house we wanted. It's 5 bedrooms for the 4 of us, with a rec room and a living room - so TONS of space. My room is a soft yellow and I love it! It's going to be Linds, Jen, T.J and I. I've never met T.J but apparently he's coming up this week so I'll finally get to meet him. We're so excited for moving in - I just can't wait!!
I've also figured out Landon's b-day present. It's going to cost like 300$ so I have yet to figure that part out exactly! But it's a really nice gift and I'm going to get it for a deal through Lindsay so hopefully that won't be too bad. His b-day is two months away, but I'm so excited for it. Linds can look it up and see if it goes on sale, then get it on sale for me because she works at Canadian Tire. That'll save me a bit - which is part of the reason I'm thinking about it so early- this way we can find out for sure- very key. :)
I'm feeling a bit better now, things are looking up - people make mistakes we're human.

:) :) :) :) :) :)

All smiles tonight! I just got back from hanging out with my cousins, one's 26 and the other is 27 and they're so awesome and fun. We went shopping at the Eaton center and then went out for Sushi - which it is official - I like. Brooke (my cousin) was so funny, I was having issues with the chopsticks and she was like - "here I'll feed you" and shoved it in my mouth! I think it was funnier if you were there. I love my family, they kind of bring out the real me because they're like me and the understand me, I can be saucy and have an attitude with them and it's not perceived the wrong way. They're so understanding and so protective and they know so much more about friends and boyfriends and know the qualities that are important! It's so awesome - Kate's so funny because we haven't talked in a long time b/c she's in an awesome relationship and so am I - but she's like - "at least we're getting laid!"

- I figure that's it for now - not much else to say. Maddie went to Calgary for a week - lucky duck!

My Weekend...

Pretty boring all in all - I just didn't do anything special... besides seeing Heather, K and Landon, and my mom... Anyway! Thursday was pretty plain, bused it home and spent some time with Mike, Heather and K. Landon picked me up and I spent the night with him, which was nice, then friday we had lunch together before he drove me home.
Madds got home from school and invited me to go see the Pacifier with her, I told her I would if I didn't have to pay so she asked Dad for money and he gave it to her! So I went to go do that. Landon was working and I figured wanted to do his own thing when he got off at 10, but he told me to call him just to check in. I called after the movie and he was drunk, oh so drunk - but told me I had to go to the bar/lounge they were at. It was on Kerr St, and a pretty cool basement bar - very chill, it's called Less than Level. I ran into a guy I used to know at Appleby and he gave me a hug and we did some of that small talk stuff - then I just dealt with second hand embarressment as my boyfriend made a drunk fool out of himself. I took him home and he got all lovey dovey, scared, naive, cute, vulnerable boy. He was so sweet, till he passed out. So I left him there around 2:30.
He's the oddest duck because he just sort of asked me for space, yet he invited me to the bar and when I called to check on him Saturday morning he invited me to go to Grimsby with him - I guess it's kind of that opposite thing. So we went to Grimsby for a bit of the afternoon, he dropped me off at home and picked me up again at 8 - it was the grubbiest night EVER. I sat around in my pjs eating candy and watching Sex in the City. I feel like such a slob! I slept over and that's always nice - I love the whole cuddling thing.
Mom drove me back to Peterborough today so that was nice - then Linds and I talked for a while went and got groceries and here it is five to ten! I've done nothing productive today except a bit actually when I think about it!
Meh!
Back to Oakville on Wednesday night for my placement - boo to that! It's not so bad but I hate the back and forth. I'm going to try to convince Landon to drive me back next week - that might take some coaxing though!
I've got nothing else...

Why can't you have it all?!

I don't get it. I really don't understand. The way I see it is that some of my friendships have fallen apart since I started pursuing getting back with Landon, I don't understand why. If all of my friendships had started to disappear I'd get it, but it's only a few. Why can't I have a boyfriend and keep the same friendships. Now I have to sacrifice one of the two because apparently I can't do it all. I'm not going to give up on Landon though, I've wanted to be back with him since November, it totally ate at me and I'm finally in a really good place with him and we're totally happy together. But now other aspects of my life are all screwy and I hate that. I don't get it, I still manage to maintain other friendships so why not these ones. I guess people just change.
Landon called at a bad time last night, I was bawling my eyes out. I actually think he was worried that some other boyfriend had dumped me because the only time I've cried like that was because of him! He was really sweet though, I love it when you cry infront of a guy and they don't know what to do! So cute :P. He was really sweet and decided he wanted me to come home tonight so he could pick me up and spend the night with me. That was originally what I had intended but you've got to make the guys think of it first, that's just the way it works. I'm going home again this weekend. Not for Landon, for a job thing on saturday. Plus my mom just got back from Mexico and Madds just swam at OFSSA, plus I gotta talk to my dad. Boo!! I have to go home the next weekend too! But that's for my placement on thursday/friday. Which isn't so bad, it'll be good to get it over with.
I've got sooo much stuff to do this month, I can't not believe there are only 55 days until the Summer... maybe even less because one of my exams might get moved. I marked all my assignments on a calendar and it's just jammed pack. Yippee!! But I've figured out strategies so that I'll all be started ahead of time and finished perfectly!! Yup, I'm a nerd. I have to be this semester though. Gotta get that average up!
Well, this blog was pointless but i just wanted to get some stuff down, then maybe I won't think about it all day. I was about to cry - then my cell phone rang and it was this lady, I thought it was Lara so I asked what was up and she asked what I was doing, I said sitting on my bed. Then she was like "I thought you were coming over" and I was like... "who is this?" then we laughed because it was a wrong number and she told me I should "get up and get moving" - it just put be in a better mood for some reason!