Find comfort in pain

It's so weird... I should never stay up late because that's when I start thinking or bad things happen. (Some of the time anyway). The last two nights I've stayed up late and that's just not ended up good. It's the wierdest feeling to sit here and cry and be in pain but at the same time not be pained. I don't know, it's the hardest feeling to explain. I know I've cried and been torn up so many nights and I've gotten through it all so maybe this is just comfortable for me in some ways? I'm not sure if that makes sense but I guess it doesn't really need to.
Why are people always nice to you after the fact or that moment too late? My situation involves a certain friend who pretty much I had written off... they stopped calling or really caring/responding when I called, they got on with their life. I came out west and thought "if they don't try to get in touch with me by calling or e-mailing I'll know I can just forget about them." So I stopped calling and trying and waited. It didn't take all that long for them to start calling me and missing me and trying to get my attention.
Now I feel like crap in someways because I don't think I want or need them in my life anymore... that time has just past and as much as I care for them it's just not the same. So then they tell me they miss me and I feel guilty for not feeling the same way. and I hurt. I physically hurt for knowing they still care for me because I don't want them to if I don't. I don't want them to think about me or to miss me or to feel lonely without me. When I was there it wasn't a big deal and I was practically ignored... at least thats how it felt. I hate stupid situations like this. I wish everyone could just realize what they had and show the people around them how much they are needed and cared for. If you like it when someone calls you, clearly, by repeatidly brushing them off when they do is not the way to show it.
Tonight is my last sleep in my oh so comfy bed downstairs at my sisters. I don't think it's really even clicked that I'm going home... I just feel so comfortable here. I'm going to bawl my eyes out leaving. I hate leaving. Especially poor Sarah cause she lives all alone and after spending numerous days here while Sar is at work I've realized it can be pretty lonely.
Well I need my beauty sleep. ;)