Through the dark there is light

Don't ask about the title, it's just lyrics to a song.

So weird because I was thinking about how I started up my blog again and I was going to write in it a lot more and then I didn't... so I decided to post something, anything and had all these random ideas. Then I got here, and I'm ready to write but I don't know what to say. I think I've been having a really off day today. Just one of those down on yourself type days. It's all so stupid.

So reading week has been pretty good so far, very low key and relazing. Just hanging out at Sarah's. I've had the chance to see Sarah's friend Mikel a lot - which is cool because I hadn't seen him for four years, I think he's coming over to dinner again tonight.

Actually I guess I've learned a few things about myself on this trip... Sarah and I were talking and we think that I'm dad's favorite so I asked if she knew why she thought that. She then told me it was because mom hated me when I was a kid. (Um, ouch, yes). Apparently I was just like my mom and we clashed . So from what she said there would be times where my dad would have to step in and stand up for me, thus creating our bond. Hm. Interesting theory.

I've also learned that apparently I am unapproachable. Apparently, Maddie, my little sister, is more approachable than me. How so? I have no idea. Maddie is the most judgemental person in my family! (I love her, I do, but its true, and she admits to it too!) Anyway, apparently she's just Ms. approachable. It's kind of weird because I was once told I was unapproachable before - I definitely don't like that but I'm not sure what I do that makes me so scary.

And the last thing I've learnt is that my sister's ex-boyfriend liked Maddie better than me which is why he didn't get me a Christmas present, even though he gave one to Madds. In all honesty Madds didn't like it and gave it to me anyway... but. Ouch. Sarah seems to be the fountain of all crappy news for me. I'm questioning why I flew all the way out here now! (haha, kidding).

So I guess this visit to see Sar has gotten me a little confused. I'm feeling really insecure right now.

It's really scary too look at marriages that fall apart and think that those people loved each other so much at one point in their lives but that just wasn't enough. Something changed or happened and now they don't want to be together anymore. So then how do we know what's ever for sure?

It's also so scary to look at two people who are clearly in love but aren't actually together for whatever reason. I don't get it.