I don’t know why I stopped writing on this blog… probably because I ended up coming to the cottage last year and having to deal with dial up. And yes, it’s that bad!! It’s so bad somedays I sit here thinking just horrible thoughts. I close my eyes and count to ten and hope the page has loaded by the time I open them… and I count really slowly. Most of the time its no dice though. I guess it’s better than nothing. Although… I did start writing this blog in a word document because bloody blogger won’t even load yet. Ugh.
I am the biggest over-analyzer, think-way-too-mucher ever. See, I was sitting here feeling pretty happy about things and decided I wanted to restart my blog… and then I start and I start wondering who would care enough about the inner workings of my head to actually read it on a regular basis. I know of two people who did in the past. One of them is currently out of the country and they other one soon will be… so really… who will read this? Maybe I’ll actually put it out there to a few more people and see what happens.
I guess right now I’m going through some interesting changes. I don’t want to say I’m finding me because I’m pretty sure I’ve been pretty confidant in who I am and have been for a while… so I guess I’m just adjusting to life and really working at the happiness thing. I don’t know why its’ been so hard for me to just be happy and comfortable with what my life is. But for some reason it’s been a huge struggle of being incredibly insecure and always doubting anything positive that comes along. I think I’m getting better though…
I was doing this survey thing a few minutes ago and one of the questions was something about who your best friend is and it kind of sucks that I had to stop to think about that. I don’t know. Do you need a best friend to define who you are? Like, you know how you can always tell a bit about someone’s character by looking at who they are friends with… what if they don’t have many, or aren’t even sure who they are anymore? What does that say about someone’s character? I mean I guess if they don’t have many it means that they can take care of themselves and don’t need to rely on a whole bunch of people. But what if they aren’t sure who their true friends are… does that mean they’re confused and mixed up??
Its funny how quickly people you deemed as friends can just sort of become acquaintances. The only people who I feel I can really call my friends… despite my lack of contact with them… are my highschool buddies, and that’s only because we’ve gone through the years of distance and experiences and can still get together and generally it feels like no time has passed. Earlier this year I had a group conversation on MSN with about 5 of my friends from highschool and we were all in different cities, it was pretty cool,… not to mention the fact that even over MSN all the same teasing and joking and everything was still there… it was as though no time had passed and we were just sitting in Dave’s house. I don’t know why but I feel like they know me the best. Same goes with Tristan, another highschool friend, but not from my “group”/OTHS. He and I were chatting on MSN like the beginning of January and I was trying to make all these decisions and he was just throwing thoughts out there and saying things and compliments like he really actually knew who I was. It was so weird, especially after not seeing him for 4 or 5 years. I think I knew who I was in highschool… fundamentally anyway… I most certainly went through a bitch phase, thank god that is over. Anyway, my point is, I think people are pretty quick to call people friends, I think that its takes a lot to actually be a good friend to someone and that quality is way better than quantity.
Hmmm... I also think that when people end up dating people thier best friend tends to drift into the person they are dating because they spend so much time together. Obviously they need their own lifes and their own friends... but when people are dating they rely on each other for a lot of support and that's why I think that person kind of becomes your best friend. Probably one of the reasons a lot of break ups can be so hard.
k, I'mma zonked. Bed time!!
