Change

I guess change is inevitable and you have to move on to new stages in life eventually... but I find myself torn. I'm happy with everything in my life now - sort of. I just realized I have like no friends left and I don't know where they all went. I guess I go so involved with my own life that everyone moved on with thiers and all we have now are memories. I don't get it. I know I'm important to Dima but am I really that unimportant to everyone else I used to share my life with? That they don't need to talk to me or see me anymore.
I guess I've been contemplating friendships a lot. I've realized more and more how much I miss Linds but I feel like she's moved on to better things. I texted her and wrote her a message on facebook with no responses so I figure I should just let it go - why be over eager. ... Why? Because she was my best friend and I managed to be so self consumed and stupid that I lost her. I was reading my old journal the other day and it said so much about us and our plans for the future and now we don't even talk.
Now that mom and dad moved to Bracebridge I'm like never in Oakville - and I really, really miss those friends. I know they're back at school and back to those worlds but I didn't even get the Thanksgiving fix - yah know? The couple of nights spent together. And I won't get it at Christmas either. I miss those people who can know what I'm thinking or laugh at the typical Em things I've done. They're all gone... and in their place I have this wonderful boyfriend... but that can't be it can it? I can't do everything I need with him - I can't girltalk and spend hours scrapbooking or at Chapters. I can't sit there and remember highschool days with him. I love him so much but I miss the other people who know me best.
It frustrates me to because I've made an effort for him to see his friends. He invites his best bud over when we're together and that's totally fine but I don't have the same opportunities. The other day I suggested going to see one of his friends. I don't know. I know he wouldn't object to it if I went to see them but I have no transportation... and he's shown no interest in meeting them or getting to know them.
And I miss them. And being at their houses and talking to their parents. Like Ash's mom... or Mike's mom and dad... or Heather's parents.
I miss Oakville. and my home.